Snow
by destinykeyblade
Summary: The snow falls every day in the frozen north, creating an endless winter wonderland. But what's the point of it if the people you love can't - or won't - take the time to enjoy it with you? And what can you possibly say when your big brother starts hiding in his room and won't come out anymore? What can you do to make him come back? ...Maybe he'd like to build a snowman...? AU


Hello, all. First off I'm going to apologize again for those of you (and I know there are some) who are waiting for the next chapter of my other fic _Heart of Wutai_. This and my original works have been taking precedence. Now, onto other things - this story was born thanks to the song _Do You Wanna Build A Snowman?_ from Disney's _Frozen_, which I have not yet seen, and the fan-made _Of Course I Wanna Build A Snowman_ by reindeersarebetter, which you can easily find on YouTube. Before these songs and this fanfic idea, I didn't know crying yourself to sleep was a real thing; I thought it was just something put in books and movies for drama. I learned. I also bawled the entire time I was writing this, so you've been warned - it might happen to you, too, while you're reading. Components from both aforementioned songs are used. If you haven't heard them, you should, if only so this will make more sense to you. This oneshot is an AU of my other AU, in which Sephiroth is a teenager of unspecified age, Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz are his younger brothers, and are 7, 9, and 11, respectively. These are the only things I kept from that.

Since this is becoming my new thing, I have to take a minute to recommend to you another fanfiction that I think needs more love - _The Good Doctor's Assistant_ by up side and down. I've laughed, I've cried, I've been furious - it's very well done, and the version of Sephiroth in that story is one of my absolute favorite interpretations of him. You should really give it a read. You can find it on my favorites list.

**Disclaimer: destinykeyblade does not own Sephiroth or his Remnants/brothers, nor Wutai or the Northern Continent. She also does not own Frozen or any of its original songs or fan-made responses, though she's thinking about doing something for the second. At this point in time, however, all she owns are her tears.**

* * *

"Sephiroth?"

The inevitable knock on the door came shortly before noon - typical, given the younger boys' penchants for sleeping in. The eldest brother suppressed a growl as the youngest turned the knob and poked his head into the room. He didn't have look to see the hopeful glimmer in the seven year-old's eyes or the tentative half-smile on his face, nor the way the light streaming in from the windows cast shadows that would also inevitably overtake both.

"No," he replied to the speaking of his name. His grip tightened on the pen in his hand. _Leave,_ he thought at the child.

Kadaj did the opposite, letting go of the door's handle and stepping into Sephiroth's bedroom. As ever, the smallest of the four boys did not have any use for introductory comments or questions, instead getting right to the point. Each and every emotion he was feeling at the moment was audible in his voice, and Sephiroth let go of his pen lest he break it with the pressure he exerted. "Do you wanna build a snowman?" Kadaj asked, and again without turning to look, his sibling was well aware of his smile enlarging, of the glimmer becoming a full-on sparkle, and his excitement was palpable. "Come on, let's go and play!"

The growl from earlier returned, and Sephiroth didn't bother stopping it this time as he spun in his chair to fix the interruption in his day with a stare as cold as the air outside. "Leave me alone," he ordered, and was almost completely ignored. The only sign that his words had registered was the slight crease in Kadaj's forehead as he continued.

"I never see you anymore; come out the door! It's like you've gone away," he explained, seeing the further darkening of Sephiroth's expression. "You used to-"

"I'm busy," he snarled, raising his voice in an attempt to cut the conversation off, but Kadaj, looking more than a little desperate now, was even louder - behavior that the older brother recognized. Kadaj was pleading his case now, and he wouldn't be silent until he had gotten out everything he wanted to say.

"-and now you're not!" He paused for a fraction of a second, a flicker of something that might have been pain in his eyes, before he went on with, "I wish you would tell me why..." The answer was more than evident from the harsh glare directed at him, but Kadaj still took the tiniest of steps forward, trying to summon his little smile from earlier as he looked pleadingly at Sephiroth. "Do you wanna build a snowman?" he asked again, his voice small.

The answer was for Sephiroth to turn back to the front and snatch up his pen again, instantly resuming his writing. "Go _away_, Kadaj," he ordered fiercely, feeling satisfied when he heard the sounds of the young boy's shoes scuffing against the floor and the gentle thud of the door closing. He was no longer paying attention to the outside world, having focused himself once more on the task at hand, but he thought, for just a moment, that he had heard a very soft reply as the door slid back into place.

"Okay, bye..."

* * *

The days rolled by, becoming weeks, which in turn added themselves together to become a month. At least once each of those weeks, though usually several more times, Kadaj had seen to it that the scene replayed, albeit at times with different words. Every time, Sephiroth shot him down in flames. He was increasingly angry with everything, and the absence of a reply to the letter he had written was most emphatically not helping, nor was his stupid little brother's pointless jabber about playing outside. He saw the three of them, his irksome siblings, out almost every day in the think blanket of white that lay perpetually over the frozen earth of the Northern Continent. The silver of their hair flashed in the rare beams of sunlight that broke through the barrier of clouds across the sky, and he cursed it for drawing his attention to them rather than his studies or his swordplay. For that matter, why were they even out there? Had Mother given only _him_ responsibilities? Did she not care if her other three were worthless; it only mattered if it was him?

Sephiroth almost physically flinched at the thought of her last, brief, visit. _"Sloppy."_ He wasn't good enough a fighter. _"Years, and still you know nothing."_ He hadn't learned enough about the peoples or cultures or creatures or _anything_ in the world. He'd spent his time with _them_, and Mother... _"You are worthless."_

He forced all emotion from his face and breathed evenly, narrowed eyes the only outward sign of his unhappiness as he listened to the sounds of childish joy that came from outside his window. Leveling his sword at the target, he rushed it, falling into a familiar pattern of attacks and letting his thoughts be swept away by the mindlessness of the motions. The laughter and shouting continued outside, but he didn't listen to any of it. It wasn't important. They weren't important. Not until she came back or sent a letter in reply. He couldn't afford to get distracted by them again. No more _playing_. No more snow.

~.~.~

Another month passed quietly, which was to say without so much as a single word from the one person Sephiroth actually wanted to talk to. There were plenty from Kadaj, though as the days wore on, his intrusions to ask about games or snow people became far less frequent. Aside from the youngest's visits, he didn't even see the three of them save at mealtimes, when he had to mingle with them for fear they would burn down the entire place if he left them alone. It never failed that they would stumble in from outside, faces and fingers red from cold, as not a one of them had the sense to dress warmly enough - he used to enforce it, back when he went out with them, but that had been quite some time ago - and swarm around him, chattering ceaselessly about nothing. He ignored everything but the simplest of questions, and never gave more than a couple of words as an answer. He came downstairs, they came inside. He made something to eat and delved back into his work afterwards, they scarfed down their food and vanished back out the door. The last week of the month was almost over when something different happened.

Sephiroth was in the library, located on the ground level, reading the history of the founding of Wutai - pointless knowledge, but Mother had been disappointed when he had not possessed it, among other things, and so he read on. Had one of those aforementioned rays of light not chosen that moment to smash through the snowy clouds and shine into the room, glinting off the natural silver and lingering snowflakes in Yazoo's hair, he would not have known his brother was there. Sephiroth glanced up, surprised by the nine year-old's presence, though he allowed nothing of it to show. "What?" he asked brusquely, eyes darting back to the text on the page almost immediately. The younger boy did not answer. His face, usually so much less expressive than Loz or Kadaj's, was clouded, and he attempted to hold Sephiroth's eyes for a moment before walking slowly and silently across the room to sit down on the sofa to the left of his chair. Displeased by the turn of events, Sephiroth considered taking his book and retreating to the solitude of his bedroom, but Yazoo's reproachful gaze kept him where he was, arching a silver eyebrow. "What?" he repeated, glancing at the book again before sighing slightly and letting it close over his thumb, holding his place.

Yazoo was silent as he drew his legs up onto the cushions and wrapped his arms around them, eyes closed. After a moment, they opened back, and he stared directly into Sephiroth's own eyes, unblinking. "You're hurting him."

Sephiroth, on the other hand, could not help himself - he blinked at the absurd declaration and the accusatory tone it had been made in. "What?" he asked for the third time, a different edge to his voice this time. Rather than irritation, he knew he sounded affronted. He felt it, too, and glared at Yazoo as the boy began to scowl.

"You're hurting him," he said again, and there was anger in his gaze. "Kadaj."

A scoff was the elder brother's reply. "How?" he inquired scathingly, angry disbelief saturating the word. "Have I hit him? Slashed him with my katana and not known it?" Another scoff left his mouth as he flipped his book open again and went back to reading.

"You may as well have," Yazoo hissed, his voice deeper than it should have been able to go, and Sephiroth was startled enough that he actually closed the history book and set it on the table, a frown creasing his forehead as he regarded the nine year-old. He said nothing, however, for the third-born was already continuing. "Every time you talk to him you carve another piece of his heart out. Why don't you just rip it out of him and burn it so we can save some time?"

"**What** are you talking about?" Sephiroth demanded, forcing himself not to outwardly show his shock at the biting words. Where had he even learned talk like that? "I haven't done anything-"

"Exactly!" Yazoo shouted, squeezing his eyes shut. Silence reigned in the aftermath, as Sephiroth was far too unsettled to speak, and Yazoo did not appear capable at the moment. "He comes to see you all the time," he went on after several minutes had passed, his voice quiet and wavering, "and you keep pushing him away. You're hurting him." A small sound escaped, and Sephiroth realized with a start that Yazoo - calm, collected Yazoo - was _crying_.

Sephiroth crossed his arms over his chest and tried, almost desperately, to think of something to say. Moments passed in silence save for Yazoo's hushed sobs, as the eldest of the four continually came up with nothing. At last, he rose from the armchair and walked toward the sofa, tentatively settling on the opposite end. "I assume you mean the..." He paused, wondering how to word it. "...invitations? To... join you outside?" A quick, tiny nod was the reply, and Sephiroth ran a hand through his lengthy hair, his hesitance fading as the feeling of irritation flooded back. "You _all_ know I don't have time for that. I've got work to do. I can't afford to go roll around in the snow just because you want to see me look as silly as you-"

"It's not _about_ the snow!" Yazoo exploded, rounding on him with fury shining in his eyes even as tears continued to fall from them. "You don't understand at all, do you?! It doesn't have a thing in the world to do with snowmen, or sleds, or anything he comes in and asks you about! The things themselves aren't important. It's _you_," he said, choking on the last word, and turning away as he wrapped his arms around his legs again, his forehead thunking down on top of his knees. Sephiroth thought vaguely that he should say something, but couldn't make his mouth move, too stunned, and Yazoo picked up the thread again after a brief pause so he could sniffle. "You're... You're our big brother," he said quietly, and turned his head slightly to look at him, eyes glistening. "Loz and I... we're alright, mostly. We have eachother, and even if he doesn't, I know how much it means to you what Mother... what she says. Kadaj, though-" he tried, and choked up again for a few seconds. "-he doesn't get it. I've tried to tell him, but he doesn't understand. All he cares about is that you used to be here with us, and now... Now you act like you're here all by yourself, or you want to be."

Sephiroth opened his mouth to speak, but yet again found that he couldn't, not this time because he had no words, but because of the painful burning in the back of his throat and the roof of his mouth. His eyes, too, were starting to burn, and it was all he could do to keep them focused on Yazoo's green orbs. The edges of his vision were starting to blur.

"Kadaj needs you," he went on, and raised his head, though he went back to looking straight ahead. "You don't know how much. And every time you tell him no, that you won't come out and do _something_ with him, it kills him a little more inside."

"Doesn't he have you and Loz, though?" Sephiroth finally managed, his voice unintentionally quiet and hoarse. If that burning would just go away... "You're there for him. You can-"

"After you tell him no, he doesn't _want_ to anymore," Yazoo interrupted sadly, tilting his head back to blink at the ceiling. "We try, but we can't cheer him up or make him feel better. Eventually he tries to be happy and just play with us, but I see him when he thinks I don't. He's hurt so badly, Sephiroth..." Somehow, saying his name seemed to give Yazoo more strength, and he turned back to fix him with a serious stare. "Mother doesn't care about us," he said bluntly, ignoring the beginnings of the protest that died before Sephiroth could get it out of his mouth. He had suspected as much, though he'd tried to ignore the proof and think differently. "She never has, and she's never going to, Sephiroth. We don't mean anything to her, and we all know it, and it hurts. The only thing that kept Kadaj from being depressed was knowing that we did mean something to you. You used to love us."

Something warm slipped down Sephiroth's face, and he started at the feel of it, raising his hand to his cheek. It came away moist, and he couldn't look at Yazoo anymore, knowing that more of the same would follow if he met those eyes again. Another tear threatened to fall anyway as he heard his brother's whisper of, "It's getting hard to pretend you still do." He was still staring at the slightly worn fabric of the cushion between the two of them when the sound of shifting fabric met his ears, and he didn't glance up when Yazoo's weight left the small couch and he walked almost silently to the doorway. "I can't help him," he said, no longer whispering, but not far from it. "Please. Just... please," he repeated. More shuffling sounds came from the other room, followed by the sound of the front door opening and closing. The silence he so often craved descended upon the library, and Sephiroth was left alone with it, eyes and throat still burning, and feeling as though the weight of the quiet air was going to crush him. For the first time in a very, very long time - Kadaj and Loz would have said forever - he wished for something to break the silence, so he wouldn't feel so... alone.

* * *

White light filtered in through the windows, tinged with gray from the clouds that blocked the sun. Sephiroth sat alone in his room, as he always did. Two days had passed since his conversation with Yazoo, and since then, he hadn't been able to do anything that he should have. He was still just staring at the covers of his books, piled haphazardly on the desk where he had picked them up and put them back without opening a single one. His sword, normally something he took the utmost care with, was propped up in the corner, looking as though it might clatter to the floor at any given moment.

_I'll do it today,_ he thought, turning slightly to glance at the door. _When he comes to ask..._

Sephiroth drew in a deep breath, steeling himself for the possibility of a confrontation. Kadaj was so emotional, even more so than Loz, and at times, he could be hard to talk to. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to be calm. It wasn't easy, but he soon realized that he was overreacting. Kadaj wouldn't be any trouble. As soon as Sephiroth told him yes, that he wanted to do something with him, all the problems would be solved, and everything would go back to the way it should be.

The time passed slowly, and Sephiroth fought his impulse to pace around the room. There were still at least thirty minutes to go until his brothers would wake up and get moving... He couldn't help it. Sephiroth groaned softly and walked across the room until he couldn't stand the repetitiveness of it anymore, upon which he fell back into his chair and stared out his window at the gently falling flakes of snow. Finally, _finally_, he heard activity down the hall, and pulled in another breath. Any minute now, Kadaj would come in, and he could try to fix the damage he'd done.

Minutes went by. The boys were taking longer than usual to get themselves going today. Then, at last, he heard footsteps out in the hall, and tried to loosen his tensing muscles. There wasn't any need to panic. He heard Loz walk by, his heavy steps easily recognizable, followed by Yazoo's nearly silent footfalls. True silence followed, but again, it was nothing new; just Kadaj lagging behind them so he could stop at the door and make his usual inquiries. The third set of footsteps started up, and Sephiroth stood up, watching the wood intently as he ran through what he planned to say one last time. Kadaj's steps reached the door - and kept going.

Sephiroth blinked. _He didn't stop... He didn't stop?_ The teen walked to the door and pressed his ear to it. Kadaj was really walking away. He glanced at the seldom-used calendar on his wall. He hadn't stopped the last two days, either. Today should have been the one! So... why wasn't he here, talking about snowmen again? Sephiroth almost bit his lip, but shook his head. _So he's not here today,_ he thought at himself, irritated at how stupid he was acting. He stepped away from his door and cast it a glare. _It doesn't mean anything except that he'll come tomorrow instead. Now be useful and get something done in the meantime._ Holding onto that small spark of anger at his behavior, Sephiroth strode quickly across the room and snatched his katana, pulling it out its sheath and dragging out one of his much-abused training targets. _He'll come tomorrow, and I'll do it then._

The next day arrived, but Kadaj didn't. Again, he walked straight past Sephiroth's room, not even slowing as he went by. If anything, he sped up, as though he didn't want to be anywhere near it. Inside, Sephiroth allowed himself to frown as he sank down onto the end of his bed, staring at the door and thinking, unhappily, that he might have been wrong about this being so simple to fix. _"He's hurt so badly,"_ Yazoo's voice echoed in his mind, and Sephiroth brought his hands to his face. "What am I gonna do?" he asked quietly to the air. The silence made no reply.

~.~.~

"Kadaj."

The sound of the seven year-old's footsteps came to an abrupt halt as he froze in his tracks. Sephiroth could practically hear his mind whirling.

"Yes, I know you're out there," he continued. "Come in."

The door opened slowly, as though Kadaj couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sephiroth didn't blame him - a few days ago, he wouldn't have believed what he was saying. As Kadaj shuffled forward into the room, Sephiroth stood slowly from his chair and walked over to the largest window in the room, gazing out at the white flakes tumbling from the sky. "It's funny," he murmured, raising a hand to the glass. "I've looked at the snow every day for as long as I can remember, but I can't remember the last time I actually saw it..." He drew in a breath and let it out slowly. "I forgot... how beautiful it could be. And what it used to be like, to go out and enjoy it."

Sephiroth stepped away, going back to his desk and pushing a few books out the way so he could put his hands down on it. He leaned forward and looked out the smaller window, supporting himself with his arms. "But I never knew... I never knew what it _meant_... I never knew that it meant _anything_... And it meant so much."

Kadaj breathed in sharply, and Sephiroth knew without looking that he was clenching his hands in tight fists at his sides. _I never thought much about that, either,_ he realized, digging his own fingers into the wooden surface of the desk. _How can I know him so well, and then not see what I was doing to him...?_

"Kadaj," he said, almost before he knew what he was doing, and turned his head to glance back at him, though he quickly dropped his eyes to the floor before they made it to his brother's face. "I didn't know... Until Yazoo came and told me, I didn't understand that... that it meant so much to you. I had no idea that..."

He couldn't finish. Feeling his own hands curl into fists, Sephiroth stood up straight and forced himself to walk away from the desk, towards Kadaj. He pulled in a deep breath and knelt down on the floor in front of him, his face almost level with the younger boy's, and again forced his body to obey, looking into Kadaj's glistening green eyes. Kadaj stared back, clearly fighting to keep his face from contorting as his lip quivered and his small form shook, his tears threatening to spill over.

"Kadaj." Sephiroth took another quick breath. "...Do you wanna build a snowman?"

The effect was instantaneous. A sob, loud and pained, left Kadaj's mouth, and his hands flew to cover his face as he cried, huge tears cascading down his face. Sephiroth started to reach out a hand, but drew it back, placing it on his knee as he looked down at the floor again. He let out a sigh and rose back to his feet, turning away, and made to head back to his desk. He started then, facing Kadaj once more when he realized that he had grabbed hold of his hand. Tears still pouring from his eyes, Kadaj tightened his grip on Sephiroth's fingers and tried to make a face. "Of course I wanna build a snowman!" he choked out through his sobs, attempting a shaky smile afterwards.

Sephiroth knelt down again, feeling his own smile spread across his face as he brushed a few tears from Kadaj's cheeks. "Get out of here, then, and get ready." Something that might have been a laugh was the boy's reply as he swatted his brother's hand away and scampered to the door. "And dress _warm_!" Sephiroth called after him as he slipped out into the hall. He laughed a little himself at the sound of Kadaj's giggles floating back to him and went about searching for his coat. It really had been far too long since they'd done this.

"Race you downstaaiiiirs~!" Kadaj yelled suddenly as he rushed past the door, his voice echoing as he reached the stairwell. Sephiroth snatched his jacket and took off down the hallway, marveling at how _good_ it felt to be doing something other than staring at a book or stabbing things with a sword. And it really wasn't that important, anyways - no matter what Mother said, learning the most ancient myths of Wutai or how to kill people in less than thirty seconds was never going to take precedence over his brothers, ever again. He had been so wrong about what mattered for such a long time, and trying to please her had kept him from them as surely as any fortress - but now, he mused, leaping at Kadaj and forcing an extra jacket on over his head as they tumbled outside, for the first time in forever, there was nothing in his way.

* * *

Are you crying yet? You're stronger than me if you're not. In any case, I hope you enjoyed reading, and ask you to please leave me a review if you've got the time. Your feedback helps me improve, write faster, and keep smiling. Thanks for taking the time for this story!

~destinykeyblade


End file.
